We Must Learn to Forgive Ourselves FIRST

We’ve all done something, said something, or even just felt something that has harmed someone else.  Let’s just face it, it’s probably a daily occurrence.  Intentionally or unintentionally, we’ve done that.

We’ve probably felt guilty for it.  If it was really bad, we’ve probably self-medicated with drugs or alcohol at some point.  Hopefully we aren’t still.  But we probably have.  I have.

After our guilt gets really, really bad, we’ve probably searched for other ways to make ourselves feel better; and to right our wrongs.

When we’ve completed that search, online or through spiritual groups, we’ve found that forgiveness is key.  Even 12 step programs have that in there, to make amends to those we’ve harmed.

How selfish is that?

We are saying to those people that we have screwed over:  “Please forgive me, the guilt is eating me up, I cannot function properly until you forgive me.  I was wrong and never should have treated you that way.  I never should have put myself first.  I hope that you will be able to forgive me.”

Selfish.  Again, thinking only of ourselves and what WE need.  Again, asking something of someone.

I’m suggesting trying something different.  Look back at what we have done.  Before we go off begging for forgiveness from those we have hurt, learn from what we’ve done and try to forgive ourselves first.  Promise to learn from it, to never repeat it.  Then prove that by living it.  Because that’s what we have to do. If we try to forgive ourselves first, before we’ve asked for forgiveness from others, we can see how hard it really is to do.  It’s far easier to forgive after we’ve received forgiveness, but the selfishness of that, I think, is what prevents the TRUE learning and acceptance of ourselves.

And that is the only way to ensure that we will not harm someone again.  it’s only after we’ve learned to not repeat the behavior, and have forgiven ourselves for that behavior, that we have the right to ask for forgiveness from others and make ourselves feel better.

But we may never get that forgiveness.  I know that is hard to accept, but it’s true.  Some things may be unforgivable in the eyes of the person you are asking.  Some people, especially in today’s society, are just incapable of forgiving.

If we haven’t forgiven ourselves first, we continue to feel guilty and continue to make bad choices because we can’t move on.  And we must.

I hope we do get that forgiveness.  But more than that, I hope we learn from what we’ve done.

The only way to prove that we have is the biggest and hardest test:  Can we forgive ourselves first?

Only after we’ve accomplished that do we have the right to ask someone else to.


7 Comments Add yours

  1. Lynn says:

    Just had the chance this morning to re-read this, Celena.   For the way you wrote this … everything coming from you-don’t-know-where and on the fly, no editing, I think it is a marvelous piece.   To me, it is something I would read on a single page in a magazine.  Be it Better Homes Garden type or a self-help or Reader’s Digest.  It is truly worthy of the word getting out there and I’m glad you posted it. Thank you much!  I will have to keep it close to read again and again. I love you and will talk with you soon.~~Mom From: myunexcusedlife To: indylynny@yahoo.com Sent: Friday, July 10, 2015 7:43 AM Subject: [New post] We Must Learn to Forgive Ourselves FIRST #yiv1505742759 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv1505742759 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv1505742759 a.yiv1505742759primaryactionlink:link, #yiv1505742759 a.yiv1505742759primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv1505742759 a.yiv1505742759primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv1505742759 a.yiv1505742759primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv1505742759 WordPress.com | Celena McDonnell posted: “We’ve all done something, said something, or even just felt something that has harmed someone else.  Let’s just face it, it’s probably a daily occurrence.  Intentionally or unintentionally, we’ve done that.We’ve probably felt guilty for it.  If it was” | |


    1. Lol, thanks Mom! I don’t know about a magazine, but thanks! I did realize something that I forgot to mention, though: Deciding to move on and forgive those who have harmed us WITHOUT them having asked for it. Just as some people are incapable of forgiving, so are there people incapable of asking for it. We have to chose to forgive those people anyway, in order to have better lives and relationships ourselves. 🙂

      Love you, and as always, thanks for the support!



  2. agenda19892010 says:


  3. Everyone needs to read this. Nice piece


    1. Thank you very much!

      Liked by 1 person

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